To put it frankly, I was dreaming that I was pregnant. Well, that was the first night. PREGNANT! The second night, I dreamed I had a beautiful baby boy! Imagine that! ME - a baby BOY. Not only was he beautiful, but he was brilliant! Not even a week old, and he was talking. It's not shocking, really - after all, he's MY child ;) Then, night number 3. I have a new baby (not sure if it was a boy or girl this time) but we were at Value Village trying to get back the crib, stroller, and car seat that we had gotten rid of months ago. Thankfully, a nice lady brought me to the back room - and there they all were!
Why would I consider these beautiful dreams of little ones my own personal nightmares? My husband and I decided long ago that 4 was the number. We decided that before #3 even came into the world. We are happy with four. I'm still sane with four. I'm certain that more children would equal crazy momma around here. My concern is - I know the Lord often has different ideas. You've heard the quote - "If you want to make God laugh, just tell Him your plans" Yeah, we know all about that - we've been there, imagining God rolling His eyes at our silly ideas. I have a firm testimony, gained through many, many experiences, that God's plan is certainly the very best one for us, and the one that is custom made to bring us the most joy ultimately. I know it's true.
Something else I know, though, is that recognizing the promptings from the Lord is something I'm weak at. I am learning every day, TRYING, to listen to the promptings from the Spirit and acting on them. I have the hardest time knowing whether the thoughts and feelings I'm having are coming from the Lord, or from my own warped imaginings. So, my problem lies in 1. KNOWING the Lord's plan is the BEST plan. and 2. NOT knowing how to recognize when He is leading me in the right direction. How do you deal with this?
Now that I've confused everyone, I can go on. One thing I remember was after we had our second baby. She was slightly fussy - much like her older sister was. My husband was working two jobs, starting up his business, was Elder's Quorum president, I was in the Primary presidency, and we were TIRED. We made the decision to be done having children. We felt we didn't have a quota to meet here. We were happy and content. Well, a year of monthly temple worship and our hearts were changed. We knew we were not done. We knew there were more children meant for our family. We had two more. We were happy, content. Still are :) And how couldn't we be with these gorgeous creatures in our lives?
I can't imagine my life without them - ANY of them. And I know that feeling would not change if we added more to our family. I'm not going to change our plans because I've had a few dreams. Who knows - maybe I ate something that digested into baby dreams! It could be anything. Besides, it's not ME who would need the most convincing. The Lord knows He'll have my husband to convince if there are any more little ones meant for our home, and that will be a tough case :) For now, I'll keep being happy with my four angels, my sweet babies.
11 comments:
Is it worse to have those dreams at all, or that there were three in a row? :o
do you WANT more? I know you're happy with the four, but, let's imagine this IS the Lord's way of getting His message across...
so what would it take to change your mind?
I think I could have written that exact post!
We sit in the exact position except we have 4 boys so I think of a little girl. My hubby is done I am too. I love being an all boy family but would glady accept another if it was God's plan for us.
I too struggle with knowing if something is God's plan or my own little mind at work. If you figure it out let me know =D
You have beautiful girls and amazing photography.
Maren
First, even though I don't know you personally, I know enough about you to know that you are a faithful woman and I think you should give yourself more credit in the "recognizing the will of the Lord" area.
(My husband has to remind me of the same thing sometimes. It's easy to just say "I don't know!" but further contemplation and I often really do know, I'm just not ready to admit it. Good thing the Lord is patient.)
You may not know right away if an idea is from the Lord but as you give it a little time you will know. If you are to have another little one, you will come to a point that the idea doesn't freak you out. Instead, you will be happy about it and at peace with the idea. Then you'll know!!! (I know, easier said than done. But all will become clear... eventually :))
And you are truly blessed with your little darling girls!
Take it from me......Little boys are SO nice too. : D *wink*
But YOU DO have some great Girls there already!
Decisions, Decisions.
I KNOW you will get your answer. You are a faithful woman. You will know for sure soon.
Yup.. an answer. The fact that you are wondering means it's definitely not a NO.
That's why you can never ever say you're done.
Although I am :) until the prompting comes.
And boys are awesome!
Dreams... I think dreams tell us a lot! I hope you do have another and I hope its a boy. That would be fun!
I'm going with the something you ate idea! :D Cause we're done too. :D I you're way over tired, have a lot going on in your life and had a dream. Don't worry yourself about it, you don't have any more time or energy for it :O)
Oh Bobbi,
Sometimes dreams are just dreams. I dream alot that I'm fighting poeple but that doesn't mean that someones going to attack me in real life.
However you are right to recognize
that the Lord might be trying to tell you something. Maybe because you are so busy your dreams are the best way to get you to listen. Maybe a few trips to the temple would do you good.
Anyways I'm sure you will figure it out.
Best of luck
I remember your husband coming in to our dental office when you had two kids and we had a conversation where he mentioned that you guys were done with two kids and weren't the "typical" Mormon family. Funny how these things change ;> You live your life close to the Spirit and will know what is right for your family. And it doesn't hurt anyone to have a what if dream once in a while-we all have them. After having Caitlyn I feel like I could be done having kids but there could possibly be one more to come. Time will tell for both of us...
Ahh... I completely understand your confusion, but I must agree with clair - we often do know we just don't want to! I'm often in that category -still am on with children. I've had the feeling that we are not done - but boy do I want to be and have said so emphatically ever since. I mean really - I'm way to old for more of this gene pool! I seem to get asked regularily here if we want more- kinda like a constant reminder. The Bishop asked us just yesterday as a matter of fact.
Even though I am in denial (and happy to stay there) it is true that if it is the Lord's will, you will know it when the time is right.
Luv ya and love to hear about you and the family through your blogs. Say hi to everyone!
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