3.09.2009

It's a new week!

Is it possible to erase a week from memory? Okay, even I'll admit that's being too harsh. But last week I had a few "roll-up-in-a-ball -crying" moments - maybe without the actual rolling up in a ball, and without the crying. The feelings were there, though. Overwhelmed, over-tired, over-worked, over-stretched. I know you can relate, especially if you're a mother, and especially of your an LDS mother.

It started off slowly, Monday was laundry day (whoop-dee-doo) and Family Home Evening - which turned out great! You can read about THAT on my project 365 blog.
Late that night, I received a phone call from a sister in our Stake who was in charge of a missionary luncheon, but could not do it due to the passing of her mother-in-law. She would need to go to the funeral that weekend, and would not be able to do the luncheon. UNDERSTANDABLE! Who ever plans when loved ones pass away? And WHEN is service EVER convenient? Of course I said I would take over the planning of the meal, and with her help we found a couple of ladies to help. Funny thing, I discovered that I have a hard time handling stress. Shocker, I know :) I found enough help with cooking and serving the food, yet I was still full of anxiety over whether the menu I chose would work, whether I had planned enough to feed all 55 missionaries, whether or not someone else might drop out of helping, whether or not SOMETHING might go wrong SOMEWHERE. I prayed for peace concerning the matter and I did receive it, though slowly.

Tuesday was slow besides the regular tasks of making meals, driving kids to and from school, emailing, phone calls, and general this and that. Hubby had a group meeting for one of his school projects this evening so I took advantage and relaxed a bit after the kids were in bed.

Wednesday I started out with a photoshoot of a newborn (5 days old), and his mom and big brother. Turned out great! It didn't take long for the "big brother" - 2 year old "K" to become my good buddy, and baby "H" cooperated nicely. Later that afternoon, I went out to do the grocery shopping for the luncheon and then organized the food into bags ready to deliver to the ladies who would be cooking. I got a phone call from my husband who was at the hospital for a consultation for a growth he had on his foot for the past couple of years. He was calling to ask me to pick him up. Turns out, the surgeon whipped out his 'gear' and did the surgery to remove it right then and there. VERY unexpected, but we were happy that he didn't have to wait for weeks and months. He removed a large grape-sized cyst and we are now awaiting test results to be sure it isn't cancerous. Hubby couldn't walk and was in a lot of pain. We picked him up and proceeded to deliver the food to the ladies in the ward. Then we had to eat out in a rush to get back to the girls' school for "math night". We hadn't finished delivering food yet, so hubby dropped us off at the school and delivered the remaining food. It was a crazy, crazy day.

Thursday was spent baking brownies (lots) for the dessert for the luncheon, making hot fudge sauce, chopping veggies for the platters, and picking up a few last minute items. I hadn't had a chance to even look at the pics from the photo shoot yet, and I knew I had to get started editing them - but, they got pushed to the back burner. Hubby went to work, even though his foot had kept him up all night (the doctors gave him NO pain medication).

I also got an email asking me to give a talk in a couple of weeks. Sure. Why not? I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to prepare one - especially since I had suggested the topic in the first place. How could I say no?

B also lost her second tooth! She had to contribute to the excitement this week :)


Another stressful part of this week has been cleaning up after JJ. She is potty training and while she now has the "pee pee" part down pat, she hasn't *quite* grasped the... other part. Ew. Cleaning up those messes in the midst of the craziness is NO FUN!

Friday was the luncheon and it went well. The girls ALL had the day off school which meant they were all shut into the nursery room with toys and a couple of movies. I put TJ in charge and she did a pretty good job. I was at the church from about 9:30am until about 2:30pm and my feet were screaming at me. After cleaning every inch of the nursery, kitchen, hallways, everything, we left and ran some errands before heading back home. Just in time to get dinner prepared and wallow in the pigsty my house had become over the course of the week. I don't know about YOU but I can't relax if my house is messy. It eats at me like little fire ants until I get up and clean. I noticed my backdrop stand and props still out in my living room from two days before and couldn't believe I hadn't put it away yet. We won't even get into what my kitchen, bathrooms, and basement looked like. *shudder*. Hubby had a meeting for one of his group projects so I got to work doing some straightening.

Saturday my hubby was in school all day, and since there is no bus that goes directly to the university on Saturday, he took the van, leaving the rest of us home bound. We used the day at home to do our weekly cleaning jobs (which went surprisingly smoothly) and did some scrapbooking/crafting. Then, I tackled those photo shoot pictures and got them edited. My eyes were burning from staring at the computer screen, but it was worth it! It felt GREAT to have them done.


Sunday was truly my day of rest. It took everything I had to pull myself out of bed, get the kids ready, myself ready, and all of us off to church. I have the occasional Sunday where I go to church and basically feel how inadequate I am. I have several people coming up to me asking me to do this or that, how this or the other is coming long, have I completed x, y, or z yet? Can I please help with this thing or that? Or I have a lesson telling me to do more of this, or be more like that. It can drain my soul if I'm not in the right state of mind. I prayed that I could be rejuvenated this Sunday. That I could feel like I'm doing okay, that I'm not failing, and that I could rest from my labors. And that's exactly what happened.

The sacrament meeting talks were very uplifting and touching. The lessons in Sunday School and Relief Society were positive and encouraging. I felt close to the people around me, felt a kinship, felt light and joyful. The best part, though, was when different people in our congregation approached me, not to ask me to DO more, but asking how *I* was doing. One sister put her arm around me and said "I want to know how you are doing. I really appreciate all you do, and know it must feel overwhelming sometimes." ANSWER TO A PRAYER! I felt like I could cry. Other sisters complimented me on my children's behavior, other's complimented me on my hair! I mean, it sounds silly, but it was exactly what I needed that day. I came home feeling renewed and very loved. It was precisely what I needed after the week I had.

You know, now that it's a new week, I see things just a bit more clearly. I don't think, looking back, that my week was too crazy and it's strange that I would feel so overwhelmed. I wonder what makes me feel that way at the time? I feel like I'm doing what I'm asked to do - reading my scriptures, praying, serving - so why do feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and even depression sneak in? I am determined to obey the commandment to "Be of good cheer" and to find joy in my roles as a wife, mother, friend, and woman. What do you do to chase away those negative feelings and feel cheerful again? I'd love to hear your ideas!

11 comments:

Lynn said...

You know Bobbi....as I was reading your post and feeling your overwhelm"ness" I could relate to what you asked yourself at the end:

"....it's strange that I would feel so overwhelmed. ....I feel like I'm doing what I am asked to do...so why do the feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and even depression sneak in?" I have asked myself those things so many times.....as I am SURE every woman on this planet does! But I have NEVER written those thoughts down....but YOU did! I thank you! Because of you the inspiration just hit me!

The adversary! He is the sneaky one! He gives us those thoughts EVERY SINGLE time we are doing what is right!!!!!

So note to self:

When I am feeling those things......I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT! LOL!

Thanks for the post Bobbi!

P.S. I truly hope you have a more restful week. And we will keep Lydon in our thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted on his foot.

Theresa said...

seriously this post could have been my theme song this past month..if put to music!! I loved it! It reminds me that I am not alone in my struggles and yes things can get tough and to be of good cheer can be hard, But totally worth it! Thanks for the inspiration I really needed it today...really you have no Idea!

Ailyn said...

Girl you need a break. Maybe you should ask for a leave of absence. Just kidding I know you can't really do that but really I think you are doing to much. You have counslers for a reason. Delicate honey. They are there to help you.

Erica said...

That is a BUSY week!!!!!! I hope they're not all like that. Anyone would have felt stressed and overwhelmed-it just makes you human. What great service you gave. Hope you get to put your feet up soon-you deserve it!!!

Joanne said...

wow, and I mean WOW. if you need a vacay come and visit me!! Like we talked about something is happening to us and it's getting bigger and bigger and more and more overwhelming. take it one moment at a time and remember to...
DANCE honey dance!

Norine said...

cant really see why you would be stressed LOL I think sometimes we take on too much as women and mom's etc maybe saying no to some things isnt such a bad idea but so hard for us to do
I hope you have a better week and get some time to yourself
Hugs
Norine

Debbi said...

I'm so glad you got what you needed on Sunday. I have had the same things happen, where you just needed 'THAT'. And getting it when you need it is soooooo nice!

Clair said...

You are so sweet and good! I think you did exactly right by praying for a rejuvenating day on Sunday- and you were blessed with it. "Seek and ye shall find."

It just hit me that we find exactly what we seek. If you had gone to church looking for more reasons to feel overwhelmed, you would have easily found some. But you went looking for something to lift you, and you found that.

I love the definition for prayer in the Bible dictionary. It says that prayer is a way for us to bring our will in line with God's will. When we do that we find the blessings.

I would add that a little rest and relaxation from your busy days will probably also go a long way in helping sustain you.

You are such a hard worker. I would love to spend one day with you (but I'm far away so don't worry I'm not going to show up on your doorstep) and learn from your efficiency and positive attitude.

Thanks for this post. Something we all need to hear to remind us we are not alone and good will prevail.

Denise said...

When I have those days, weeks, whatever, I just keep telling myself and have faith that better thoughts are coming, better days are coming and I just keep plugging along.

Autumn said...

Well Bobbi,
I turn the music up real loud and dance like an idiot. It gets out my frustrations and the kids get a good laugh and so do I. Something about feeling utterly silly gives me perspective on the things that are buggin me and it is a good workout too.

Vanessa Tuau said...

You are such a beautiful and kind lady and your blog gives me so much inspiration (all the way to Australia!). I love reading new posts and I think your photography is just amazing too:) Vanessa x